Have you ever been on a dinner date when they bring the bill, you pay for it, and the woman you are with doesn’t say “Thank you”? This has certainly happened to me on more than one occasion, and it can really cause some concern.
What to Do If a Woman Doesn’t Say Thank You After You Pay for Dinner
It is disrespectful if a woman does not say thank you when a man buys her dinner on a date. The man can either choose not to see her again or, if he does see her again and the behavior continues, politely let her know that he would prefer that she say thank you when he pays for dinner.
There are many reasons a woman may not say thank you on a first date, but we must first establish that showing gratitude is proper etiquette. If she does not say thank you, that is rude, and it is reasonable for you to be disappointed in her. This is not behavior that you should accept.
Why Don’t Some Woman Say Thank You
A woman may not say thank you for many reasons when you pay for her. These can range from simply forgetting or maybe being nervous to something worse, such as entitlement, being spoiled, or poor manners.
I dated a lovely girl once named Elle. Our relationship didn’t work out, but Elle was a well-mannered and properly raised-woman. I paid for dinner on our first date, and she didn’t thank me when I paid. I felt disappointed about this as we left the restaurant. I said goodnight to her and started to walk away. I took a few steps, and she turned to me and yelled, “Thank You.” In this case, she forgot to say thank you as I paid and realized it as we were saying goodnight. So she eventually said thank you, but not when I thought she would. On another occasion, a woman texted me thank you the next day. These all count as acceptable thank yous in my book, but they illustrate that someone can forget. If the girl doesn’t say thank you, then you need to decide for yourself if that is a problem for you. I will discuss my thoughts on that later in this post.
I have dated other women who didn’t say thank you on the first date for more concerning reasons. Sometimes, they don’t say thank you because they don’t care. A woman can be entitled, spoiled, or just rude. Obviously, I’m not talking about all women. Still, in my experience, a significant number of the women I have ever been out to dinner with did not say thank you.
Tell Them To Say Thank You
It is OK to tell a woman you want her to say thank you. I will tell you right now that I will not see a woman again if she does not say thank you for dinner on our first date. A lack of appreciation is a dealbreaker for me, which is my personal stance. You should decide this for yourself. I will also say that in the past, I have seen women again who did not say thank you at first and have learned the hard way not to accept it.
If you want to discuss it with her, you must first decide the best time. What I have done in the past is if she did not say thank you on the first date, but the date went well, I would take her out on a second date and see if she says thank you then. I would tell her that it bothered me if she did not say thank you after the second date.
It is better to do so nicely and politely if you tell them they need to say thank you if you continue to see each other. Do not attack them or call them spoiled. I would start by telling them I am interested in them and then share my concerns. It would go something like this:
“I really enjoy going out with you, but there is something that bothered me. You didn’t say thank you for dinner, and I would like to discuss that.” I tried this twice, and both times went well. The women both apologized. In both cases, I continued to see them for a few months before I ended the relationship. In both cases, I should have noticed that not saying thank you was a red flag. As we continued to date I would learn more examples of selfish and entitled behavior from both of them. That is why I made an official policy for myself only to date women who say thank you consistently. This is for every man to decide for himself.
Try to avoid being hard on them when you tell a woman you are concerned that she doesn’t say thank you. Keep it pleasant, but be sure of yourself and in what you want. If you decide not to see her again, do so with courtesy.
I Will No Longer Date Women That Don’t Say Thank You
As I said, I no longer would go on a second date with a woman who didn’t say thank you on the first date. To me, this is a deal breaker. It is a sign of entitlement or poor upbringing, which are characteristics I would prefer to avoid in my life. There are plenty of women out there who do say thank you when you buy them dinner. I will continue to date only those who do.
In both cases, where I told those women that I wanted them to say thank you, I ended up feeling that they were both entitled and spoiled over time for many other reasons.
I felt like I put a great deal of effort into them, and they did not reciprocate. I only dated them each for two months or so. In retrospect, I believe that not saying thank you was a signal that they were not appreciative and would not match my effort in the relationship. In both cases, I should have cut them off sooner. I was wrong when I gave them the benefit of the doubt, as signs of entitlement continued with both women.
I personally think some women can forget to say thank you or feel awkward when you pay. I get it. I need a woman who knows she has to thank me when I buy her dinner, and I don’t want to teach her lessons she should have learned long ago. I generally assume it is too late to correct that type of behavior. I have been with the same woman for some time now. I take her out to dinner all the time, and she has never forgotten to say thank you—not once.
Men Paying on the First Date
Let’s look at numbers from a study published in Psychological Reports (2023) titled Gender Roles in the Millennium: Who Pays and is Expected to Pay for Romantic Dates? This Study showed in a small sample of 522 heterosexual college students that the male paid 84.9% of the time on a first date. That is a large percentage, and think about that when a woman does not say thank you the next time you pay on a first date.
Is it OK if She Doesn’t Say Thank You?
It is not OK when a woman doesn’t say thank you on a date. She needs to show you respect and gratitude, and you need to do the same for her. I would not enter a relationship lacking in respect, and I do not think you should, either. If a woman doesn’t say thank you after you tell her you want her to, I highly suggest you think about why you put up with that behavior.
If you want to tell her how you feel and she starts showing gratitude, then it is up to you to evaluate her sincerity. I think it is reasonable not to see a woman again for not saying thank you. It may also be reasonable to see her again either way. Your call.
Women Should Always Say Thank You When Someone Else Pays
Whatever you decide to do, just remember that a woman should always say thank you when you buy her dinner, drinks, tickets, or anything else. If you put in the effort to pay, you deserve someone who puts in the effort to give you gratitude. If you care enough to spend your hard-earned money on her, she should care enough to show you appreciation. Good luck, and go get some Thank You(s).
